𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥, 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕚𝕣𝕖

 It's not bad and it's actually liberating to put this into words.  I can't forget the last car ride we shared, how we knew it was the last time in a while, how that special thing between us have to start a pause in order for us to heal and even forget about each other. That last hug, our last embrace and we singing to our favorite songs. I wish we could've done more of that. I miss you still. One day, I hope I can find something like that in other horizons and arms.  

Maybe it's true ours was something special and unique for me  and you the butterflies feeling in heaven  that first time our colors matched together and blended  in a beautiful purple just like my red  and your blue heart combined perfectly. Maybe it's true we won't meet again we won't have our what happened after but we will always have what was ours our first love story.

why am i crying almost a year later? it's not fair i don't get why it hurts the most today all the broken promises the wishes and plans all of that does not exist anymore and it was only ours you saying you wanted to marry me you telling me (or confessing) it was something we could've done if our thing hadn't change in time it still haunts me that idea that we could've signed a piece of paper  promising so many and much  our love  our caring no one understands it no one will  it's even hard for me sometimes remembering our hands touching you looking at me talking to me worrying about me do you still want the best for me? do you believe in me? i want to see what you saw in me and appreciated it in order to see that i deserve(d) to be loved in this world 

it doesn't hurt anymore i never thought this day would come i want to tell our story though that a love like ours was real it existed it ended but happened and it was only yours  and mine to hold

Sometimes I feel  you and I was a life ago. Another me a whole new love full of dreams, gone with the sea the sea of time.

27 were solitary i spend a lot of time with myself but worrying about others i want to spend time with me and others but this time worrying about me and enjoy myself (and others' company) but mostly me I'm feeling a lot right now i want to write and sing and be alone and with people i don't know if i should invite you because i want you to be here or because i want to give my past self that gift but i won't be able to face your rejection i want to live to be free from my past self to be honest with me and take care of me as I've been with others i wanna be 28 i want to be wise and i want to be seventeen again and be a dancing queen 

¿por qué aún duele tanto?

Una vez estabas recostada encima de mí, me tomaste las manos y me dijiste que quizas éramos almas gemelas porque teníamos las manos del mismo porte: pequeñas, lo cual es un poco chistoso en mí siendo 13.5cms más alta que tú. Estabas coqueteando conmigo, y no te importó estar en una casa ajena, rodeada de amigas, con una de ellas sentada al lado de nosotras.  Quién sabe si ese dicho es verdad.

 

Hace 10 años solía leer muchas historias de amor, ver también, e imaginarme unas 3mil más con alguien a quien creía querer.  Hace 6 años estaba, como dice una amiga, en la pasta y envuelta en amores de otros personajes. Vivaz lectora, vivaz imaginadora, vivaz soñadora; había llegado a la conclusión que mi historia pasaría cuando tuviera que pasar; que desde ese momento en adelante no se preocuparía más por no haberla vivido y solo se dedicaría a disfrutar la vida. Siempre se sentía no merecedora de amor, porque no era linda, no era flaca, no era ni tan inteligente ni era tan interesante: le gustaba lo que le gustaba a todo el mundo, y quería ser muchas cosas que no hacía por el miedo al qué dirán. Hace 5 años empezó a vivir su propia historia. Se sentía mal por no seguir leyendo historias de amor como antes, no tener esa conexión. Pero no había reparado en que estaba viviendo mi propia historia de amor, la que siempre había esperado, que todos habían vivido, menos yo. Tenía 15 a lo...

Siempre me he sentido cómoda en la noche. Los ruidos se hacen más potentes o hay ausencia de ellos. Las conversaciones parecen más profundas, la música más conmovedoras y los bailes simplemente te conectan a los demás. Hasta lo imprevisto es aún más emocionante de noche. E intenso. Extrañarte es intenso de noche. Todo se va al otro día, a la mañana, cuando en el ruido de la ciudad y el ajetreo diario hacen que dejes de correr por mi mente. Pero llega la noche. Y luego el día. Y así. Pasa un mes, dos meses y hasta tres.

Necesitamos un epílogo o un nuevo comienzo

There are days when I feel and think I'll never get better. I'll never stop missing you. I'll never be able to read love stories anymore because I want ours, again.

this feels so intense I think I'm going crazy my chest hurts I feel out of breath I feel all this love for you these unsaid words my many tears watering my face wish I was flowers to see you every day so you can see my colors my scent  and how much I wish you were here holding my hand telling me everything will be alright no one told me  missing this much hurt so bad 

what if I never see you again? I'm afraid of that

 So many stories that I want to share with you, how it was, how I got to them, what they make me feel and to know what do you think of them, to talk about them and to discuss one or two things in between.  It's a shame I can't tell you how many movies I've watched and that made me think of you.  I want to watch one of our  tv shows, but guess what? I can't. I want to comment it with you. It's not the same with other people.

 It's sad, but we're not ready yet.  I want to talk to you, but we're not there yet.  We're not ready yet.  But I'm hopeful, one day we'll be ready, we'll be okay, we'd had walked our ways, we'd had healed, felt and known ourselves, and then, we will have a nice walk, we'll have ice cream and we'll go to the cinema. We'll be okay, we're going to be cool again.  Until then, I'll miss you, sometimes so much it hurts, and other days just for a minute, but everyday.  When they ask me what do I miss the most, I reply is the company, the trust and our space. Us. Only us.  No one knows better than us.