𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥, 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕚𝕣𝕖

btw im fine, i thank you for all you did for me and im finally okay and at peace. i never thought  that day would come, but one random day  it happened, it made sense and i moved on. im stronger than i expected. good to know.

 Es chistoso, curioso, exasperante e irritante haber vivido 28 años de mi vida sin preguntarme, de manera honesta conmigo misma, que es lo que yo quería para mí, para mi vida.  Encuentro lamentable, y hasta patético, haber vivido en piloto automático hasta los 26 años, y de ahí seguir dormida, porque era lo más fácil de hacer, hasta los 28. Así crecí y así aprendí que era la forma en que no causaría problema a los demás, y no me causaría problemas a mí. Es que vivir así es fácil. Fácil y fome, aburrido, insípido, eres un personaje secundario, hasta terciario, tú no importas, siempre en el background esperando que alguien te vea en esa piscina de gente, te tome la mano y te haga brillar.  But OH GIRL, how wrong we were . Ahora, recién en este año de mi vida me doy cuenta de todo lo que pasé por no ser quién realmente era. Se siente como abrir los ojos, salir del fondo del mar, de ese mar de deseos de otras personas, para respirar y oler los tuyos, aunque sean un caos, esté...

 It's not bad and it's actually liberating to put this into words.  I can't forget the last car ride we shared, how we knew it was the last time in a while, how that special thing between us have to start a pause in order for us to heal and even forget about each other. That last hug, our last embrace and we singing to our favorite songs. I wish we could've done more of that. I miss you still. One day, I hope I can find something like that in other horizons and arms.  

Maybe it's true ours was something special and unique for me  and you the butterflies feeling in heaven  that first time our colors matched together and blended  in a beautiful purple just like my red  and your blue heart combined perfectly. Maybe it's true we won't meet again we won't have our what happened after but we will always have what was ours our first love story.

why am i crying almost a year later? it's not fair i don't get why it hurts the most today all the broken promises the wishes and plans all of that does not exist anymore and it was only ours you saying you wanted to marry me you telling me (or confessing) it was something we could've done if our thing hadn't change in time it still haunts me that idea that we could've signed a piece of paper  promising so many and much  our love  our caring no one understands it no one will  it's even hard for me sometimes remembering our hands touching you looking at me talking to me worrying about me do you still want the best for me? do you believe in me? i want to see what you saw in me and appreciated it in order to see that i deserve(d) to be loved in this world 

it doesn't hurt anymore i never thought this day would come i want to tell our story though that a love like ours was real it existed it ended but happened and it was only yours  and mine to hold

Sometimes I feel  you and I was a life ago. Another me a whole new love full of dreams, gone with the sea the sea of time.