𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥, 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕀 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕚𝕣𝕖

soy libre, y lo siendo hace un par de semanas nadie me está viendo, nadie me busca hace ya tiempo y está bien porque yo tampoco lo hago un poco triste, pero liberador  ya no más

The first time I opened to my friends, in my car, about how much I hated myself, all the terrible and horrendous things I've said to myself during all my life, I saw how my friend's heart was broken on my behalf. Her eyes hurt, I saw pain and how bad she felt that I was saying all these words about her friend. I'd never seen second-hand pain in anyone's faces, specially if it was directed towards me. Everytime I speak harshly to me, that I treat me bad, I remember those eyes, that second-hand pain in them.  I'm sorry for hurting me in silence, for not telling you about it. 

i miss her a lot maybe it's wrong some days is too much other days is just a thought  but always what are you doing? i miss talking to her

Maybe for the first time in my life I feel like I can celebrate and commemorate this month. I can stand under this flag and feel party of this community. I have the right to be here.

 Realmente estar cerca de cumplir 30 años se siente como un logro porque la Marlene de 14 años nunca pensó que podía llegar tan lejos. Estamos bien, Marlene. Estoy haciendo lo posible para que podamos estar bien en el futuro también.

Hating myself was the hardest thing I ever did. It took scrutinizing every part of me for 29 years of my life, nonstop, no breaks. It took going with the wind knowing I belonged to the water. I withstanded during my whole life other's expectations and my own's. Accepting myself is the hardest thing I am doing nowadays. It takes looking at me, being with my thoughts and feelings, it takes not to judge them or me. I am learning what I truly think and feel about life.

I know it's 5am and I should be sleeping buuut a feeling overcame and now im feeling all these beautiful emotions of gratitude and acceptance I haven't felt in yearsss maybe and also a sense that everything's going to be okey and that life isn't that serious.

Me gusta viajar. Lejos, cerca, en auto, bus o avión, para conocer lugares turisticos y otros no tanto. En la cuidad,  en el campo, en la playa, me gusta conocer lugares nuevos, es uno de mis grandes sueños  desde chica, conocer, salir y explorar el mundo el país en el que vivo,  la cuidad en la que habito. Me gusta viajar. Espero hacerlo toda mi vida.

My biggest rebellious act is to like Christmas and New Year's Eve. I have every reason to hate them, but I don't and I'm learning to accept my weird family traditions.

I wish for this year to appreciate me more, to desire more and to feel more. I wish for this year to keep learning and knowing that I deserve good and cute things and feelings, knowing and embracing that I can feel the need to love and to be loved, that I'm not and unlovable and a horrible creature, that I can want to get touched and felt, that I am someone in this world and that I occupy space in this world, and that's okay. I wish for this year to keep my self-accepting journey, to change what I don't like, but more importantly to learn to be myself and to care about myself just as I am. Being my antifan and hater is a pain that will cost me many autumns to heal. I want to be able to do it and to live without regrets, full of love, feeling those uncomfortable moments without judging myself and to just respect myself each day a bit more. I want to love me and care about me. I want someone to love me and I want someone to love, and to learn, and to not feel like the worst h...